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Date:    Apr 11 20:10
From:    kralen
Subject: another bad day for the gene pool..
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...Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?!
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
"intellectual leadership."  He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...
==============
...With a Little Help from Our Friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman
who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas
canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, houting
>pleas to come out and give himself up...
==============
...And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him
to drive to two different automated teller machines.
The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...
==============
...And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?!!
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his
told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."
And a student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving
a classmate a cough drop.  School principal Forest Mann reiterated the
school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confised with the "zero-
intelligence" policy...
==============
...Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Gnaw Through the Straps...
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed
a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire
prevention alarm system.  "This is even worse than last year," said  the
distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security
system..."
==============
...And for the Main Course...
A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalized after swallowing 46 teaspoons, 2
cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.
=============
...The Getaway
A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in
the cash drawer. Apparently,  the take was too small, so he tied up the store
clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up
and grabbed him.
==============
...Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?!
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station
with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to
give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been
stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep
hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in
to try and find the missing brain.
==============
...Did I Say That?!
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't
control himself during a lineup.
When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all
your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
   ===============
...Ouch, That Smarts!
A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed
to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms.  The robber
apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out
the door. "he was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carry,
"with an explosion taking place inside his pants."  Police have the man's
charred trousers in custody...
===============
...Are We Not Communicating?
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.
No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!
===============
...Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank
of America branch without a weapon.  King used a thumb and a finger to
simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. 


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