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Date:    Mar  1 14:53
From:    firebird
Subject: Oakland
------------------------------------------------------------------------

So Al Davis (team owner) had put together the perfect Oakland Raiders team for
'96.  The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback.  He had scouted
all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn't find a ringer
quarterback that would ensure a SuperBowl win.

Then one night, watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia.  In the
background,out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier
with a truly incredible arm.  He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th
story window 200 yards away-ka-boom!  He threw another hand grenade into a
group of about 10 soldiers a good 110 yards away-ka-blooey!  A car passes
going 90 miles an hour-bulls-eye!  Right into the barely open window.  "I've
got to get this guy," Al says to himself.  "He has the perfect arm!"  So he
brings him to the states and teaches him the great game of football.
Predictably, the young man breaks all the NFL records for completed passes,
and the Raiders go on to win the SuperBowl. The young Bosnian is lionized as
the Great Hero of SuperBowl XXXI, and when Al asks him what he wants, all the
young man wants to do is to call his mother.

"Mom," the young man says into the receiver, "I just won the SuperBowl."  "I
don't want to talk to you," the old woman says.  "You deserted us.  You're not
my son."  "I don't think you understand, mother" the young man pleads.  "I
just won the greatest sporting event in the world.  I'm in the middle of
thousands of adoring fans."

"No, let me tell you," the mother implores.  "At this very moment, there are
gunshots all around us.  The neighborhood is a pile of rubble.  Your two
brothers were beaten within an inch of their life last week, and this week
your sister was raped in broad daylight...."

The old lady pauses, in tears. "...I'll never forgive you for moving us to
Oakland."


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