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Date:    Mar  3 22:19
From:    firebird
Subject: Philosophies
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* If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
     
* A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
     
* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
     
* For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
     
* He who hesitates is probably right.
     
* Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
     
* No one is listening until you make a mistake.
     
* Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

     
* The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
     
* The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the 
bread.
     
* The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
     
* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism
 to steal from many is 
research.
     
* To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your 
principles.
     
* Two wrongs are only the beginning.
     
* You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
     
* The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
     
* Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
     
* The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
     
* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
     
* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never 
tried before.
     
* Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
     
* Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
     
* A fool and his money are soon partying.
     
* Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
     
* Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
     
* Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
     
* If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of 
payments.
     
* How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....
     
* Attempt to get a new car for your spouse--it'll be a great trade!
     
* Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
     
* I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
     
* Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
     
* Death to all fanatics!
     
* Guests who kill talk show hosts--On the last Geraldo.
     
* Chastity is curable, if detected early.
     
* Don't be sexist
 broads hate that!
     
* Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
     
* Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
     
* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
     
* Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
     
* Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.
     
* Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.
     
* Beware of geeks bearing gifs.
     
* Half the people you know are below average.
     
* 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
     
* 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
     
* A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
     
And finally....
     
* If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for 
you...


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