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Date:    2012 Oct 10 16:44
From:    westie
Subject: amazon review
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THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING
VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. After having been told my danglies looked
like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of
this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I
nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit
of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a
bit if a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I
considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous
reviews and wrote them off as soft office types... Oh my fellow sufferers
how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and
after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the
bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting
for something to happen. I didn't' have have long to wait. At first there
was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense
burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire
wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion
hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became
willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the
turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in
the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair.
Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall
into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I
crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold
relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, took
the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only
temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due
to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any
treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure
my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later
found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did
so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between
the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had
found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was
running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only
time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen
which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in
order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up
with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.
Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the
other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the
sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell
end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels
good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream
and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock
in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in
her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg
at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was
expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange
hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status so to sum it up.....
VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect


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