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Date:    Feb 25 22:00
From:    firebird
Subject: More One Liners...
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A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened
criminals.-Ronnie Corbett

Have you ever noticed?  Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
anyone going faster than you is a moron. -George Carlin

They think they can make fuel from horse manure...  Now I don't know if
your car will be able to get thirty miles to the gallon, but it's sure
gonna put a stop to siphoning. -Billie Holliday

I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: "I wanna
know your name" -Mike Binder

Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough
to get money from it. -Stephen Leacock

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. -Steve
Bluestone

Everything is drive-through.  In California they even have a burial
service called Jump-In-The-Box. -Wil Shriner

You have to stay in shape.  My grandmother, she started walking five
miles a day when she was 60.  She's 97 today and we don't know where the
hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneris

I'm not into working out.  My philosophy: No pain, no pain. -Carol
Leifer

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be
caught dead in otherwise. -Roger Simon

A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in
business -Shelley Berman

You have a cough?  Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow
you'll be afraid to cough. -Pearl Williams

Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt.  Donate it to the
Salvation Army instead.  They'll clean it and put it on a hanger.  Next
morning buy it back for seventy-five cents. -Billiam Coronel

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore
helmets.-Dave Edison

If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many
lawyers?  -Calvin Trillin

Guys are lucky because they get to grow mustaches.  I wish I could. It's
like having a little pet for your face. -Anita Wise

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. -Rita Rudner

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The
girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"  -Jay
Leno

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank
robbery has just taken place. -Johnny Carson

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
-Will Rogers

It's not hard to tell we was poor -- when you saw the toilet paper
dryin' on the clothesline. -George Lindsey


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