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Prev Msg   - Feb 22 13:09 (firebird) The Bastard Operator From Hell VI...
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Date:    Feb 22 13:09
From:    firebird
Subject: The Bastard Operator from Hell VII
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So I manage AT LONG LAST, to get a couple of hours off for lunch, AND,
because I can't leave my desk unattended, I get the janitor in and have him
sit in my chair. I tell him that all he has to do is make sure the receiver
doesn't accidentally get put back on the hook. He agrees and I'm off. 

First stop, the bank. I change a $50 note into coins and then ask to see a
balance of my account. Then I yank the power lead out of the teller's vdu. It
dies. I say I'm in a hurry and is the manager around? 

He rolls over like a man-sized twinkie and asks what the problem is. I say
that all I want is a balance of my accounts. I cross my fingers. YES! He
finds the vdu lead out, plugs it in, and logs in, TO THE MANAGER'S ACCOUNT.
Now's my chance - I slip up against the counter, slopping 200 coins across 
the counter. The manager ignores it, but all the tellers dive for the money.
I watch, unobserved, as the manager types in his password at the breakneck
speed of one character a minute. At that rate I should've got $100 worth....
He finishes typing. "MONEY". What a toughy! Well, that's my mortgage taken
care of tonight... 

A user that I recognise from "D(eletion)-Day '89" approaches. I think he's
going to talk to me!! Even the bank manager is shaking his head furiously. But
it's too late, he stops. 

"Um, excuse me, Could you tell me what is the best computer to buy to do my
thesis on?" 

?! 

Right. 

"You've heard of Commodore 64's?" I ask 

"Yes?.." 

"Avoid them like the plague! Not many people know this, but computers aren't
made to handle that much memory - it's over 64,000 things, more in some cases.
It's a recipe for disaster!" 

"Oh!" 

"Try something safe and proven. A ZX81 with dual cassette drive if you can
get it. The 1K ram model. Write that down. Don't buy a disk drive - You know
how they're always failing, but music cassettes last forever!" 

"Hey thanks!" 

"No worries. What was your username again?" 

He tells me. Just in time for D-Day 92. You'd think they'd learn. 

I get back to work and the janitor's asleep at the terminal. I ask him if he
wants to work here too, but he likes the ability to bust in on people when
they're in the toilet... 

I put the phone back on the hook, and straight away it rings. I hate it when
it does that, it takes me AGES to get my walkman phones in. 

It's the hottest hosemonster I've ever met, and she's got a computer problem!
I love it when that happens! 

"What's your username?" I ask 

She tells me (as if I didn't know) 

Quick as I can I read all her e-mail (mostly boring stuff), then grep
everyone else's mail files for her username. Nothing. Excellent! 

"What's the problem?" I ask, all smiles and charm. 

"I can't save my documents, it says something about space." 

"Not a problem for long" I say, and delete everyone else on the same disk as
her. "You should be fine now.." 

"Thank you so much" she gushes. I make a mental note to do something to her
account again tomorrow. "No worries." 

The phone rings almost before I've got it on the hook. 

"My files are all gone!" a voice whines out at me. 

"When did this happen?" I ask. 

"Just now..." he says, through the tears 

"I see. Well, I wouldn't worry, there's three days till the end of the
semester, if you work day and night until then, you should get at least a C-"

He sobs a couple more times then hangs up. What a wimp.


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