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Date:    Mar  7 15:12
From:    firebird
Subject: How To Survive in a Horor Movie
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*When it appears that you have killed the monster, *never* check to see 
if it's really dead.

*If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetary, was once 
a church used for   black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad 
or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had 
inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house move away 
immediately.

*Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

*Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out, and 
especially not in your underwear!

*When you have the benefit of numbers, *never* pair off and go it alone.

*As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

*Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, 
tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.

*If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out 
that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your 
life.

*If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.

*Do not take *anything* from the dead.

*If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason.  
Take the hint and stay away.

*Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know 
what you're doing.

*If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at 
least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion.  Also note that, 
despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely 
shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

*If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior 
such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing 
hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.

*Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed 
here:  Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble 
if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in 
Maine.

*If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby 
deserted-looking house to phone for help.

*Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge 
trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, 
soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased 
companions.


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